I have had a HELL of a weekend folks. It sort of gives away my location but I went to the Cher concert Friday night and let me tell you, it was a deeply religious experience... and I'm a secularist. There aren't many 17 year old girls who idolize a 68 year old performer but I am most definitely one of them. And can we just talk about the people in attendance of the concert? Soooooo many trannies, it was awesome!

Got into a huge fight with R over some stupid shit which led to more stupid shit and I'm sorry, but he takes everything WAY too personally. Honestly, he acts more like a girl than I do sometimes. I think we may be on our way out again. He's talking about how getting back together with me was a mistake and I'm talking to three gorgeous new guys. Oopsie. I love him but I'm not sure I can tiptoe around his feelings all summer. So much inner turmoil... but I'm sick of being called a selfish bitch just because I put my friends and family before him sometimes. Plus isn't it a douchebag move to leave a hickey on a girl's collarbone so that she's forced to wear t-shirts and keep what is "his" covered? Uh huh, yeah. Insecurity complex.

And it gets better. I was freaking out about a solo performance I had saturday afternoon at 3. He knew how nervous I was but he had to work a double all day and couldn't come, and I understood that. That was fine. What wasn't fine is when he got called off last minute and went to lunch with a friend instead of coming to support me. Then he acted like I was the one in the wrong for being upset about it. What the literal fuck? Look dude, I broke up with you once and I survived. I'm still here and honestly I think I'm stronger for it. What the hell makes you think that I won't do it again? It was messy and it hurt sometimes but I was still me and I was ready to move on. YOU weren't.

This whole thing has just given me a gentle reminder regarding longevity. Whatever we are feeling now, no matter how indelible it may seem, it is fleeting. It is a blip on the radar of what will go on to be the rest of your life. You will be fine.

I'm gonna talk about the new guys for a second.

Z: We have lived down the street from each other for 12 years. In kindergarten he was the first boy ever to kiss me (after which I slugged him and knocked him over). After that year he was held back because of where his birthday fell and we sort of lost touch. I have had a crush on him ever since. We would hang out in the summer but during the school year he was a football star and one of the popular kids and I was the brainiac music girl that was just sort of friends with everyone. I am the assistant manager at our development pool now and the other night Z came over to fill out some application stuff to be a lifeguard this summer. I found out that he broke up with the privileged rich girl  he was seeing and is now single as can be. There was still that spark and we started talking the other day. We may grab a bite to eat or something in the next week, so I guess we'll see where that goes... (think about the music video for "You Belong with Me" and you'll have a little insight as to our relationship).

K: Totally hot swimmer that likes pickup trucks and cowboy hats that I have talked to on and off for a couple months. He's still a little hung-up on an ex but I am pretty confident that I can make him forget about her... This one also sort of interests me in that we don't have a huge long history and he's new and mysterious and rides a motorcycle for craps sake. I mean, come on!

T: Oh boy. T is one of my favorite mistakes. We are one another's longest running relationship in a way. We got together back in November of 2012 and we were honestly and truly dreadful as a couple. It was comical how much we didn't work well together and it was sort of whatever. We accepted it and moved on to become really awesome friends. Then around spring 2013 we started sort of "hanging out" again and that continued any time we were both single to date ( single for the most part, but we're not discussing my indiscretions right now). He's fun and neither of us is looking for commitment out of it and he's on the outs with his long distance girlfriend and I can't help but wonder if history is going to repeat itself. He's going to school 40 minutes away so I guess we have plenty of time to see what happens with that.

So yeah, say what you want about me but I'm excited to spend my summer single and meeting new people and keeping my opportunities open.

My life sounds like a soap opera:
Will she try and make it work with the man she thought was her soulmate? Will she finally pursue a summer romance with the boy next door? Will she take the mysterious new guy for a spin? Or will she fall back into old habits with the only guy that has ever really stuck around?

Tune in tomorrow for more!

- A

P.S. School blows.