Short today. Tired. 

We had a rehearsal last night for the concert Thursday... It's going to be comically bad. An absolute train wreck. 

R came over before and we drove together then hung out afterwards. My brain is confused. He bought me coffee and Subway and then we cuddled. He's really attractive and crazy talented. Merp.

We have a trip to Cedar Point coming up in a couple weeks. I don't know how that's going to go. Thinking about it just makes my head hurt more. I don't know if I'm traveling by bus or driving with him but either way it should be fun. Unless I dissolve into a puddle of confusion and mixed emotions. Then not so fun.

Fuck government.

Fuck AP exams.

I have to work tonight.

I lost my phone charger. 

What is the sun and where do I find it?

The struggle is real today. Wish me luck and if that doesn't work, bail me out.

- A

P.P.S. I want to thank a friend for ice cream and puppy therapy yesterday!!!

- A

I have had a HELL of a weekend folks. It sort of gives away my location but I went to the Cher concert Friday night and let me tell you, it was a deeply religious experience... and I'm a secularist. There aren't many 17 year old girls who idolize a 68 year old performer but I am most definitely one of them. And can we just talk about the people in attendance of the concert? Soooooo many trannies, it was awesome!

Got into a huge fight with R over some stupid shit which led to more stupid shit and I'm sorry, but he takes everything WAY too personally. Honestly, he acts more like a girl than I do sometimes. I think we may be on our way out again. He's talking about how getting back together with me was a mistake and I'm talking to three gorgeous new guys. Oopsie. I love him but I'm not sure I can tiptoe around his feelings all summer. So much inner turmoil... but I'm sick of being called a selfish bitch just because I put my friends and family before him sometimes. Plus isn't it a douchebag move to leave a hickey on a girl's collarbone so that she's forced to wear t-shirts and keep what is "his" covered? Uh huh, yeah. Insecurity complex.

And it gets better. I was freaking out about a solo performance I had saturday afternoon at 3. He knew how nervous I was but he had to work a double all day and couldn't come, and I understood that. That was fine. What wasn't fine is when he got called off last minute and went to lunch with a friend instead of coming to support me. Then he acted like I was the one in the wrong for being upset about it. What the literal fuck? Look dude, I broke up with you once and I survived. I'm still here and honestly I think I'm stronger for it. What the hell makes you think that I won't do it again? It was messy and it hurt sometimes but I was still me and I was ready to move on. YOU weren't.

This whole thing has just given me a gentle reminder regarding longevity. Whatever we are feeling now, no matter how indelible it may seem, it is fleeting. It is a blip on the radar of what will go on to be the rest of your life. You will be fine.

I'm gonna talk about the new guys for a second.

Z: We have lived down the street from each other for 12 years. In kindergarten he was the first boy ever to kiss me (after which I slugged him and knocked him over). After that year he was held back because of where his birthday fell and we sort of lost touch. I have had a crush on him ever since. We would hang out in the summer but during the school year he was a football star and one of the popular kids and I was the brainiac music girl that was just sort of friends with everyone. I am the assistant manager at our development pool now and the other night Z came over to fill out some application stuff to be a lifeguard this summer. I found out that he broke up with the privileged rich girl  he was seeing and is now single as can be. There was still that spark and we started talking the other day. We may grab a bite to eat or something in the next week, so I guess we'll see where that goes... (think about the music video for "You Belong with Me" and you'll have a little insight as to our relationship).

K: Totally hot swimmer that likes pickup trucks and cowboy hats that I have talked to on and off for a couple months. He's still a little hung-up on an ex but I am pretty confident that I can make him forget about her... This one also sort of interests me in that we don't have a huge long history and he's new and mysterious and rides a motorcycle for craps sake. I mean, come on!

T: Oh boy. T is one of my favorite mistakes. We are one another's longest running relationship in a way. We got together back in November of 2012 and we were honestly and truly dreadful as a couple. It was comical how much we didn't work well together and it was sort of whatever. We accepted it and moved on to become really awesome friends. Then around spring 2013 we started sort of "hanging out" again and that continued any time we were both single to date ( single for the most part, but we're not discussing my indiscretions right now). He's fun and neither of us is looking for commitment out of it and he's on the outs with his long distance girlfriend and I can't help but wonder if history is going to repeat itself. He's going to school 40 minutes away so I guess we have plenty of time to see what happens with that.

So yeah, say what you want about me but I'm excited to spend my summer single and meeting new people and keeping my opportunities open.

My life sounds like a soap opera:
Will she try and make it work with the man she thought was her soulmate? Will she finally pursue a summer romance with the boy next door? Will she take the mysterious new guy for a spin? Or will she fall back into old habits with the only guy that has ever really stuck around?

Tune in tomorrow for more!

- A

P.S. School blows.

Ya know what really really pisses me off? Dress codes. I understand to some degree but as long as all of the essentials are covered this should be a non-issue. The logic is that we need to dress appropriately (which is a gray area in and of itself) in order to succeed in the "real world". Hate to break it to you but we're not all going to end up as stuffy old teachers that have nothing better to do with their time than reprimand me for my shoulder showing.

They act like we've never been in the "real world"... We see how adults dress; DIFFERENTLY. Clothing and appearance is a form of expression and a medium that everybody has access to it. It's like we're all given a blank canvas and we get to customize it how we want. Why does a board of administrators get to say what the right way to do that is? If pink hair and ripped jeans make her feel good about herself, fantastic! They should be encouraging that independence, not squashing it. If she is more comfortable in yoga pants or wants to show off a dress she's been saving for, who are you to tell her different?

The idea that I have to change what I'm wearing because the boy next to me is all hot and bothered by my sexy fucking shoulder showing is absolutely ludicrous. I love my body and I should have the ability to showcase it however I feel is appropriate.

The message shouldn't be that young women need to change how they look and feel, it should be that society should stop judging them and worse yet, SEXUALIZING them for dressing the way they want. As long as I'm not actively hurting or offending somebody then everyone should keep their mouths SHUT.

- a very flustered A

I'm back! R and school crap have killed my free time the past couple days. I'm scheduling my classes for next year and I am so happy that I'm finally taking classes that pertain to my major. Intro to Sociology, Intro to Psych, and Intro to Criminal Justice are all in there. Now I need to convince the counselors to make it happen. Trying to schedule around my fall golf schedule is such a bitch, I can't have any classes between like 2 and 7 Monday-Friday. That's 90% of the courses I'm looking for. Ugh.

I was almost killed by a rogue old lady trying to turn over three lanes of traffic the other day. I really laid on my horn for the first time having my license. My $200 school laptop flew against my dashboard and my freshly baked and purchased cupcakes were more than a little worse for wear. In the hope of not sounding like Hitler, I must confess a controversial opinion (shocking, I know). I think after the age of 60 or so, people should have to pass their actual drivers test again. Maneuverability, road test, etc. It's not meant in a discriminatory way, but it's a biological fact that senses and reaction time deteriorate and that is a real danger to have on the road.

I'm pretty excited to be taking my mom to a concert tonight. She has wanted to see this performer for a while and I bought the tickets back in October. It's gonna be great!

My mom dropped off my physics project at school today and it was misinterpreted as a box of diapers. I cannot WAIT to see the rumors that come out of this honestly. On the upside my Government teacher was having a hard week and he got a laugh out of it, so I'm gonna call it a win/lose.

I'll probably write sometime this weekend because I only work on Sunday. I just have to soundproof a box and I have a performance tomorrow afternoon in a local showcase, a duet and a solo actually. I'll let you know how that goes, but i'm not the most optimistic.

Rainbows and unicorn poop!

- A

P.S. My songs are "Doin' What Comes Nat'rally" and "What is this Feeling?" incase you were wondering...

Do you know what pisses me off more than anything? When somebody has a problem with me and won't say anything. How is this productive in any way? If you have an issue with me, tell me and I'll either try my best to change or tell you to fuck off. It's not that difficult really and leaving the argument or lack thereof in limbo is just stress added to my life that I really DON'T need.

Scheduling my college classes this week; God bless "math for the social sciences" because I have 15 days left this year and I'm already clocked out of Honors Calculus. *shudder*

Work last night kicked my ass. Two servers called off and we had all parties of 6-10 for a solid hour. Can I make money without showing up? Can that be a thing? Ugh.

I think I might put a couple of my more disturbing poems and short stories on here, so keep your eye out. You'll know what they are because they're actually have titles.

Keepin it short today kids, I have a whole Supreme Court analysis to write.

Peace, love, and ovaries;

- A

P.S. Hanging out with R tonight and I'm SURE I'll have something to say about that...

Today, I'm going to bitch about parents... but not my own. I'l save that for another day.

No, I am going to talk about my boyfriend's parents. Now, in theory, a 20 year old guy is dating a 17 year old girl (at the time it was 16 and 19 but same difference). Whose parents do you think have a problem with it? *obnoxious gameshow beep* Not hers!

So this is my story.
For 5 months as of Wednesday I have put up with such complete and utter BULLSHIT, I tell people about it and they honestly don't understand how I have stuck around so long. Well the answer to that is simple, I love R. I have since I met him 2 years ago as a Freshman and in perfect honesty, when he started pursuing me last fall, it was like a fairytale. The amazing, gorgeous, talented Senior guy that I stared at for almost a month straight wanted ME.

We started hanging out and I went to his house to watch a movie and meet his parents and his mom was so sweet and welcoming and she gave me a big hug and I shook his dad's hand and I was so happy. I'll be honest here, I'm a parent pleaser; 4.00 student, college classes, solid home life, good job, car, I have my own money, I'm in several auditioned choirs, well spoken, mature, captain of the varsity golf team, great college prospects, etc. I have NEVER had an adult not like me (besides this bitch from work, but I'll come back to that). So after that one time a week or two passed and we hung out at my house or went places mostly and I was head over heels with this guy. Not a care in the world... Until Thanksgiving. He was going to come and pick me up after dinner so we could do dessert and coffee and meet some of his family. When he told me he was coming over I touched up my lip gloss and straightened my skirt and I was excited to catch a glimpse into his life. He showed up and sat me down and told me I wasn't going anywhere. They found out I was only 16 and I IMMEDIATELY became the enemy.

I didn't understand how they couldn't like me, surely if I spoke to them they would see that I'm more than equipped to be part of an adult relationship. He said that they didn't want to hear it. They thought that as soon as we got in a fight or broke up I would yell "rape!" and send their baby to jail forever. This confused the living fuck out of me because in the state we live in the age of consent is 16. No bones about it, if I wanted to sleep with a 60 year old man I am free to do so (not that I ever would, eww). The only type of rape I could claim is actual rape, statutory doesn't apply. If you're curious, I linked Statutory Rape Laws at the bottom of this post.

Then they brought up the pregnancy thing. What if he knocked me up?! Then he would go to jail and pay child support for the rest of his life! Oh no!!! Okay, I like him, but I'm not exactly poking holes in condoms over here. I have my own life plans and shit too ya know...

So this whole thing depressed the hell out of me. In 5 months we have had numerous fights and arguments on the topic because regardless of the fact that she is a SUPER BITCH, R is still a huge mommas boy and I dare not speak ill of her.

Then he moved out of their house back in January and I thought things would be different and we could have movie nights at his apartment and I could help him move in and all of that. Once again I made the shitty decision to be excited. Sadly his stupid-ass fucking sister, aka roommate, evidently takes after bitch-mommy. I have been there exactly once ever. I'll talk more about that in another post, because I assure you there are side-stories.

I am so frustrated and he keeps saying that after I turn 18 they won't have any problem with meeting me, but what the fuck makes him think I want to know them? They're as good as dead to me.

He didn't even tell them we're back together so I suppose I'm dead to them as well (an argument yesterday about that particular tidbit is what spurred this whole rant btw). Thank God he saw reason and dumped that little miscreant he was wasting his time on.

I'm so mad but I love him, and for the time being I'll deal with it. If they happen to become my in-laws though, we gonna have words.

That is all.

That's actually a lot.

Wow, sorry guys.

- A

If you're wondering if your sex life is legal...

http://www.cga.ct.gov/2003/olrdata/jud/rpt/2003-r-0376.htm

Hey world, sorry it's been a minute. Long ass weekend. Friday night I had dinner plans with my family and I hung out with R which was fun. It's was like it's two months later and nothing has changed. We talked some about what happens if he isn't eligible to enlist:

1.) He goes away to aeronautical school for a bachelors and then flies commercially based from wherever he is living.
or
2.) He gets his license and degree locally and then flies commercially or teaches flying based from here.

Guess which one I want!

 I can't even put to words how happy I would be if he stayed. I would be in college at that point and after my first year having to live on campus we could get an apartment together. We both have jobs that we could keep while going to school so money wouldn't be a huge problem. He could fly and see the world without being in danger or combat or gone for months at a time... And he would come back here to me. Maybe it's just me but I don't get the whole "wanderlust" thing. A vacation is cool or maybe a semester abroad, but why do people not want to stay somewhere long enough to put down roots? Roots are what you build a career and a life and a family on. Everything I want, and have ever wanted, with him. I guess I'll keep you updated on that.

Saturday I was booked solid and capped it off with a nervous breakdown. College tour 11-1, rehearsal 2-3, and work 4-11. By the time I got home I just wanted to sit down and cry because my back hurt so bad. School is getting to me and the next month is going to be a literal hell. But hey, in exactly one month I will be finishing my finals so I guess it's a win/lose.

Yesterday a friend and I drove up to see R at work, which was awesome. We both work at our respectable restaurants, but at his he's a server and at mine I'm a hostess/kitchen-hand. I love watching him work, he could send somebody off of a cliff with just a smile and thy would go happily thinking it was their idea. Then I called off because I did NOT feel like dealing with that shit all night. R and I took advantage of an empty house for the first time in months and then made dinner together. Why would it be so hard to just do that for the rest of our lives, huh?

Then we went to see "The Other Woman" and let me tell you that it was hilarious. And Kate Upton? Dear God...

Now I am here talking to you lovely people and eating a bagel, and for the moment life is good. Talk to me in a couple hours when I'm buried in laundry and scrambling to finish calculus homework.

- A

Fucking bomb-ass Physics student up in here \m/

- A

Well last night was fun. By fun I mean exhausting and that it lasted far longer than it should have. Got to work and we were SO overstaffed that within the first couple hours they sent about half of us home. Now what cheeses me off is that I picked up the shift because they were "desperate" for me to cover for this kid D, but the idiot showed up anyways (which is ironic because it's one of the few times he actually showed up for his shift in my knowing him)! And who do they send home? NOT ME! Ugh I'm 50 shades of salty about the whole ordeal. In addition to this I was stuck running the phones all night and making popcorn. And can I just say that if you let your kid throw popcorn all over the lobby of a well-maintained restaurant as you leave, you sir are a butt-monkey.  I work at a local restaurant chain by the by.

Upside: after I got home from this hellish experience my night turned around and R and I bought our Tim McGraw tickets for this summer :)

I would start in on overbearing parents relating to an experience I also underwent last night but I have a lot to say on the topic and I'm in class at the moment. Another time.

I have to go and try to pass a test now even though we had 8 snow days and this test (our last test) was supposed to be cut from the curriculum but, because of how our system is structured, they crammed it in anyways. This has exactly no benefits for anyone because:

A.) We are all going to fail this test
and
B.) We are wasting precious AP test review time

I'm also going to make a note to rant about the education system and unrealistic expectations because I have plenty to say.

I'm seeing R before he goes to work tonight, so I'll let you know how that goes... We haven't talked much about him enlisting since he found out about his hearing yesterday. I know he's upset and I want to feel bad but I just can't. And yeah, I know that makes me a selfish bitch. Oh well.

Peace, love, and ovaries;

- A

So call me a horrible human being, but I just got news that made my day and ruined his simultaneously. Previously mentioned long-term love, lets call him R, found out that because of an issue with his hearing he may not be eligible to enlist. Yes, it's his dream and he was super excited and all of that but I couldn't be happier at the thought of him not going anywhere. Being with him makes my heart happy and if that means him not running away to San Antonio then so be it.

This is made especially awesome accompanying the fact that I no longer have to hit him with my car to make him stay.
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Just realized I sound like the crazy chick from Misery.
I'm going to go now.

- A

Hello World

Well kiddies, post #1.

So last night I broke up with my rebound boyfriend of almost a month. This morning my long-term love, the one that needed rebounding from, swore into the Air Force. I support our military and even go so far as to wear red every Friday, but when he leaves I plan to move on and he does too. I have no place for a Dear John love affair in my personal life.

Things have sort of sucked lately. I got asked to prom and then un-asked after I found a dress, my physics partner decided to work by herself the day before blueprints were due, I have almost $0, 3 sets of exams in the next month, summer school, college course registration, and in roughly 24 hours I'll be getting railed by an AP Government exam. I still have a smile on my face even though there's no lube in sight.

Woke up late and had to wash my hair in the sink because the shower was occupied, but Flogging Molly came on while I was commuting, so it wasn't a total loss.

We rehearsed one of our choir pieces today with the percussion accompanists and dear God it needs work. My director is a nut and the poor boys played so loud it was like we were whispering in comparison. Concert is in two Thursdays and I'm developing an ulcer.   \m/

Gotta work later so I'm sure I'll have fun stories about overcooked food and pervy middle-aged men when I get back.

Wish me luck!

- A